I know many of you are asking yourself how this could have happened. What was she thinking? I have made this mistake before. I wrote about it in this blog. It caused the sudden demise of what seemed like a good relationship. Sometimes you just don't really know a person until you see them in their natural habitat or in the throws of a travel emergency.
I actually have witnessed this phenomenon before. My sister Sherrie back in the college invited a boy to join our family's annual ski trip to Colorado. We picked him up en route (he was in school in Colorado Springs), and rather tragically about an hour after picking him up, my sister decided she no longer liked him. Made for an awkward week for everyone. We now have to spend the entire week with this stranger who is now disliked by the very person who invited him. She did the exact same thing a few years later on a family ski trip, this time with a plumber from Connecticut.
Suffice to say, I now understand.
Anyway, back to the story. How did we get here? We had been dating for a few months, and during that time, he's been quite persistent about me coming to Florida where he owns a lovely home in a bougie gated community approximately the size and population of Rhode Island.
Now don't get me wrong, the area he lives is beautiful, his house is amazing and George is a very nice person. He's intelligent, kind, successful, active, and VERY inquisitive. What I had not realized prior to this trip though was that George is also an expert on myriad topics, not just teeth as it turns out. And, he has a burning desire to share this expertise.
As a result of this overwhelming internal knowledge base, he can't help but share tips on everything, from the cereal I eat "do you know how many grams of sugar is in this?" to "you should wash those blueberries first" to the vitamins I take "you don't take fish oil?" to the amount of coffee I use (apparently too much). He spent 15 minutes painstakingly measuring the exact right amount of coffee, then marking the coffee scoop with a Sharpie to indicate how much I should use. So helpful, right? 😠 So that was day one.
Turns out George is self-admittedly anal retentive with a dash of controlling. Who knew? Not me. He admits as much, only with the disclaimer that “I'm anal, but not fussy.” I won't spend any time breaking that down, but sadly this is not a personality type I deal with well. This type of person brings out the absolute most immature version of myself, summons my inner brat. I don't know why but maybe because he's not the boss of me. See what I mean?
Every morning after that, I just casually poured the coffee straight out of the bag. I started loading dishes into the dishwasher, even though he prefers to hand wash. I callously threw pesticide-covered berries straight out of the container onto my sugar-laden cereal. I even would accidentally 😏 touch the glass door of his patio, the one he cleaned every day (image below). I was in full rebel mode and just trying to power my way through the weekend and be nice.
Every morning after that, I just casually poured the coffee straight out of the bag. I started loading dishes into the dishwasher, even though he prefers to hand wash. I callously threw pesticide-covered berries straight out of the container onto my sugar-laden cereal. I even would accidentally 😏 touch the glass door of his patio, the one he cleaned every day (image below). I was in full rebel mode and just trying to power my way through the weekend and be nice.
His area was hit by the recent Hurricane Ian, though it was shocking that just over a week later, everyone whose property was impacted had everything already stripped and in piles at the top of their driveways. Bottom line: if you have to live through a natural disaster having a lot of money makes it easier.
We spent the first day doing a 3-hour tour (cue the Gilligan's Island song) painstakingly surveying Hurricane damage. Every branch, leaf, or palm tree that sustained damage was noted. So basically me getting car sick while George sped from site to site, pointing out, "See that tree, it used to have way more leaves...that palm tree used to have branches. There used to be flowers!!!"
George was not happy about the damaged greenery. I couldn't help but think about the people whose homes were completely destroyed, but yeah a lack of flowers is devastating.
The real problem was he just never stopped talking, and those of you who know me in real life, you know I don't lack for conversation. It was difficult getting a word, never mind a story in. I started off feigning interest but 24 hours in, I could barely respond, occasionally grunting just to acknowledge I heard him so he didn't repeat whatever he was talking about.
We spent the first day doing a 3-hour tour (cue the Gilligan's Island song) painstakingly surveying Hurricane damage. Every branch, leaf, or palm tree that sustained damage was noted. So basically me getting car sick while George sped from site to site, pointing out, "See that tree, it used to have way more leaves...that palm tree used to have branches. There used to be flowers!!!"
George was not happy about the damaged greenery. I couldn't help but think about the people whose homes were completely destroyed, but yeah a lack of flowers is devastating.
The real problem was he just never stopped talking, and those of you who know me in real life, you know I don't lack for conversation. It was difficult getting a word, never mind a story in. I started off feigning interest but 24 hours in, I could barely respond, occasionally grunting just to acknowledge I heard him so he didn't repeat whatever he was talking about.
I started doing the math, subtracting sleeping hours (which I maximized) and calculated how many hours I had to go. Yes, just like when Elaine on Seinfeld did when she was trying to escape Jerry's parents' back-breaking sofa bed in Boca Del Vista (sorry if you are not a Seinfeld fan, might not get the reference).
At one point, I suggested we watch football. He was delighted. What I didn't realize is he could just continue talking but now offering very specific criticism on every play during the game. Basically telling the professional football players that they are doing it wrong. Ok, calm down Dr. George with the bum knees though I'm sure you could do it better.
It was touch and go at times. Like when it took him an hour and 10 minutes to log onto Apple TV one night. He spent 20 minutes trying to guess Patricia's (an ex) password, until he got her locked out of her account. Then he proceeded to call his 86-YEAR-OLD MOTHER at 10 pm to ask her for her password. That was when I just silently got up and went to bed. I was too tired and traumatized to watch now. 36 hours to go...
I did seriously consider using a "my dog is dying" excuse to leave a day early. He's almost 16 so not out of realm of reality. Unfortunately it was going to cost me $300 so I decided to forge on like the good, albeit thrifty, solider I am.
At times, I could have sworn I was screaming, but fortunately it was just in my head. The darkest moment was in the car heading to the airport when he started questioning the fact that I was getting my variant booster and flu shot the next day. "You might want to wait on that; not enough research on it."
At one point, I suggested we watch football. He was delighted. What I didn't realize is he could just continue talking but now offering very specific criticism on every play during the game. Basically telling the professional football players that they are doing it wrong. Ok, calm down Dr. George with the bum knees though I'm sure you could do it better.
It was touch and go at times. Like when it took him an hour and 10 minutes to log onto Apple TV one night. He spent 20 minutes trying to guess Patricia's (an ex) password, until he got her locked out of her account. Then he proceeded to call his 86-YEAR-OLD MOTHER at 10 pm to ask her for her password. That was when I just silently got up and went to bed. I was too tired and traumatized to watch now. 36 hours to go...
I did seriously consider using a "my dog is dying" excuse to leave a day early. He's almost 16 so not out of realm of reality. Unfortunately it was going to cost me $300 so I decided to forge on like the good, albeit thrifty, solider I am.
At times, I could have sworn I was screaming, but fortunately it was just in my head. The darkest moment was in the car heading to the airport when he started questioning the fact that I was getting my variant booster and flu shot the next day. "You might want to wait on that; not enough research on it."
Now I can honestly say the desire to jump from the moving car was high but I swallowed my anger and reminded him that my son had spent the last 10 years studying biochemistry and molecular biology in college and the last five studying viruses specifically in his PhD program so I would defer to his advice, which was to get my goddamned shot!!
Just breathe...only 10 more miles to the airport where George and I parted ways for the last time.
Descending into Chicago, I was treated to the most beautiful sunset, a sign to me that's it's going to be ok. This is life. George will be fine and will eventually find a more patient, maybe deaf girlfriend. For me, it's back to the drawing board but hey, there are plenty of fish in the sea and I'm enjoying the journey. And, bonus more blogs about my dating antics. Everyone but my Mom is probably happy about that.
Officially old AF
I'm not sure what the official cut-off age for this distrinction is, but I certainly remember thinking people my age were old. While in Florida, I turned 57.
These pictures, which I actually like, were taken after drinking several glasses of prosecco (on empty stomach) on my birthday. I apparently made the decision to roll with a "get drunk" strategy for the evening and it went downhill quickly. Fortunately I was able to miraculously refrain from throwing up in George's rental on the way home from the very fancy restaurant he took me to for my birthday. Upside I was able to go to bed early, so -2 hours!! He did, however, make me eat the crab legs I was unable to eat that night the day of my flight home. Touche, George.
All goes to show you that with age does not always come wisdom. Party on, Garth.
Hope this finds you all well. Happy Halloween, everyone!
Until next time.
Barb
Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:
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Wow. I gotta ask, did you warn George you were a writer. Hysterical Barb. Way to gut it out.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing! :)
DeleteHahaha, yes, he did and I did mention I had a blog but he never asked about it after that. Probably for the best as it turns out.
DeleteHope you are well, Ralph, and thanks for reading.
Happiest belated birthday wishes to you! You're beautiful, talented and fun as hell! Enjoy every ounce of life, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, my dear friend and happy almost birthday to you!
Delete