Greetings and salutations, everyone. With all my chores and play done for the weekend and a bonus day (thanks, Presidents), I thought it would be a good time to get another blog written. Definitely not time to do any fun outdoor activities as Chicago has seemed to be locked into a rather arctic weather pattern, snow, cold, wind....and repeat.
Dear Jon...the breakup blog
I have to tell you it took every ounce of maturity in me to not name this blog "Dear Jon: the Breakup Blog." I mean, come on. Is there a more compelling, click bait of a title?? But I'm not about to write an entire blog about our breakup as it wasn't super dramatic. We honestly never once had a fight before this incident occurred. While I won't go into all the details, I will say it was ultimately his obsession with Aspen, which you'll remember from this blog, that did us in.
He thought it would be a great idea to cosign on a 1M+ house with his bestie (who happens to be a girl with whom he was once romantically involved) in Colorado, 30 miles from Aspen. I was equally sure that it was NOT a good idea, but I didn't hear about it until it was a done deal.
I know many of you, especially the women, are saying, "ah, hells to the no!" I mean when you are in a committed relationship with someone, can you have a best friend who is the opposite sex who you have slept with? I was actually ok with the relationship but buying a house with her was a bridge too far. And, on account of feeling a little homicidal towards him, we both thought it was best if we parted ways.
Perhaps because it wasn't a super emotional breakup, I did the only thing I know to do: carry on. Therapy? Nah. While I know for many it's truly a blessing, I just jumped back into the dating world with reckless abandon. And guess what? When you tell men right off that you are just out of relationship and don't want anything serious, the pool of potentials becomes very deep.
Swindling the Tinder Swindler
So did anyone watch the Tinder Swindler on Netflix? If not, you should, especially if you are living in the world of online dating. It's all about this guy who basically had a pyramid scheme in which he stole ridiculous amounts of money from very naive, yet well-intended women.
Sadly these dating apps and sites are literally snake pits, often chock-full of shady people trying to take advantage of others, many of whom are looking for legit relationships. I won't say men because from what I understand, there are just as many gals with nefarious intentions out there trying to separate men from their money.
Perhaps it's my years of experience with online dating, but I can spot these guys from a mile away. Things to look for: all their pics are professionally staged; their profiles make you want to vomit because they are so ridiculous, perhaps pulled directly from some sappy romance novel, and they somehow do something with their profile so you can't see where they actually live. Broken English is another red flag.
So for shits and giggles, I've decided to try out-catfish them! I want to swindle the swindler. My goal? To ask for money from them before they have the chance to ask me.
Didn't take long to find my target. Meet Sammy. He's a textbook example: seemingly wealthy, attractive, and attended a college that doesn't exist. I do wonder if that's right next door to the School of Hard Knocks I keep hearing about but I digress!
So immediately, Sammy matched with me! Normally I can be a bit caustic, but I played it cool with Sammy because I didn't want to alert him or scare him off. He pored on the charm, saying things like: "I can't wait to meet you and I'll tell you how beautiful you are. I hope you wouldn't get tired of me telling you how beautiful you are." Fortunately, I had not just eaten because I definitely would have hurled at this point. But no!!! I came back immediately with a "I promise to never tire of hearing you tell me that." I hope none of you are reading this on a full stomach. Thought about tossing in some broken English but decided against it.
Unfortunately, after a few weeks of messaging, Sammy just disappeared. Perhaps the prison guard took his phone away? I guess I'll never know for sure, but don't worry. I'm sure there will be more Sammys and my mission remains the same: to scam the scammer. Not all heroes wear capes. For anyone out here online dating: proceed with an abundance of caution and have a sense of humor about it. Also read my last blog on the topic, Online Dating in Your 50s.
Years ago, I was matched with this guy, super hot. He was somewhere in Africa with the military. Do we even have troops there? No idea but again, it became a game. Eventually he told me he was coming back to the states but he had acquired what he referred to as some "spoils of war" and he just needed a bank account to deposit a large sum of money. But honestly it wasn't until he asked me to pick him up from the airport that I "ghosted" him. I mean come on; we all have that line we can't cross. What am I? A fucking Uber?
Anyway, yes, back up to my dating shenanigans so buckle up, everyone. Probably going to be an exciting ride.
Hope this blogs finds you all happy and well. Let's hope that 2022 is not the shit show that the last two years have been. Gotta get better!
Until next time...
Barb
Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:
It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog
6 Tips for Working from Home
Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days
Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame
Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?
Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?
No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport
Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female
Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer
2021: A New Year, a New Outlook
Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer
The Time Machine in the Garage
The Benefits of Being a Certain Age
There's a Sandwich in Every Beer
Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party
.jpg)
Love, love, love your blogs, Barb!!! Note: I just read the online dating one, and must say that I am SOOO glad you walked the gauntlet at Parkway West! xoxo Sherilyn
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sherilyn, and thanks for being my friend in high school. That was definitely my hardest move, halfway through sophomore year, so I very much appreciate my friendship with you and the girls. When that last one goes to college, you owe us a girls weekend!
ReplyDeleteOmg tinder swindler. Great. Much better than inventing Anna. But have to say puppet master is good as well. Same deal all in search fir $$. Your blogs. Always great. And you great too. You know what you need deserve and want. Settle for nothing less Heather chapman
ReplyDeleteLove the update on your romantic life, Barb. Fortunately, you're a vibrant, smart, kind, funny and well-loved by everyone that knows you.
ReplyDeleteJon is a fool, but we all already know that. It sounds like you're okay, but as your friend I not-so-secretly wish for 1,000 fleas to infest his armpits though. Cest La Vie!
XO!