Yesterday I texted my sister Sherrie and asked what she would like for her May 1st birthday and she responded "highlights." Now I know for many of you who color your hair, things are indeed getting ugly. Your natural color— something many of you have not seen in years—or those hideous grey hairs are definitely rearing their ugly heads at this point, and no stylist is available to return you to your youthful grandeur.
So while I understood her desperation, I was still in shock when I saw her response, which was quickly followed by worry. Let's just say the last time I helped her highlight her hair, the outcome was less than optimal.
It was back in the early 90s. She had this awesome condo in Lincoln Park. I was in town for work. I am quite certain it was her idea. Note: drinking or some other judgement-altering substance might have been involved. To this day, I swear I followed the directions. She was a damn chemical engineer. How could this possibly go sideways? I think the original goal was to shoot for ash blond.
After I put the solution on, I set the timer. After a while, I took a couple of peeks and was bit alarmed to see the color was pretty close to "Bozo the Clown" orange. I frantically re-read the directions and it made some mention of a "transition" so I assured her the orange was probably just a transitional color.
It was back in the early 90s. She had this awesome condo in Lincoln Park. I was in town for work. I am quite certain it was her idea. Note: drinking or some other judgement-altering substance might have been involved. To this day, I swear I followed the directions. She was a damn chemical engineer. How could this possibly go sideways? I think the original goal was to shoot for ash blond.
After I put the solution on, I set the timer. After a while, I took a couple of peeks and was bit alarmed to see the color was pretty close to "Bozo the Clown" orange. I frantically re-read the directions and it made some mention of a "transition" so I assured her the orange was probably just a transitional color.
Time up but it definitely didn't appear to be ash blond. So we left it on for a bit longer praying it would finish its "cycle." It didn't. The end result was a bright orange color that no human has ever been born with. Clowns, yes. People, no. If I remember right we both then laughed until we peed our pants.
Clearly recognizing at this point that we needed professional help and fast, she placed an urgent call to her stylist, explaining in full hideous detail her rather desperate situation. Of course, it was a Sunday and her salon wasn't open until Tuesday.
When she did finally go in wearing the same hat she had worn for the past three days and carrying evidence of the crime (box of hair dye), it was obvious the stylist had shared her story. Lots of stares and then one by one stylists would come over and ask to see it. Yeah, it was that bad. Certainly bad enough that I would have never thought she would ever ask me for assistance with hair ever again. I won't even go into when I gave her a perm.
Bored Barb Senior Breaks into Comedy
Many of you have now gotten to know my mom from Facebook. She has decided at the ripe age of 76 to launch her comedy career. I mean she's always been funny. She's got it in her blood. Her father, the other writer in the family, was one of the funniest people on the planet, and wrote a satirical column, "Mostly the Truth" that ran for 50+ years. She has over the years, channeled her humor into pranking and/or torturing her own family. April Fool's Day is probably one of her favorite holidays. If you have ever been in my house growing up, you probably have fallen prey to one of her infamous pranks. Putting a rubber band around the sprayer in the kitchen sink was one of her favorites. My poor father was often the unfortunate recipient of her pranks and for some reason never seemed to see them coming.
One year, he got smart. On that dreaded April Fools Day, he wrote himself a note at work that simply said "DON'T LET HER GET YOU!" He also told his secretary to not put her calls through. Unfortunately, mom was cagey and cleverly disguised her voice. My dad had scheduled his first colonoscopy the following week. Pretending to be the receptionist at the doctor's office to give him some "pre-procedure directions," she informed him that he would need to make sure he had someone to drive him home and that it "might be a good idea to bring a change of clothes." After a rather pregnant pause, he sputtered that he might not be interested in this test, after which she blew out the tissues she had wadded up her nose and howled in delight. Got 'em! Poor dad.
Over the past few weeks, she's turned to creating funny videos and sharing them on Facebook. Her latest one is below. Don't be deceived by her so-called exercise routine; that old lady can hold a plank for 2 minutes, does Pilates twice a week, has 7 holes-in-ones and can still beat me in tennis...quite badly actually.
She is definitely enjoying making them though my dad remains unimpressed. He's been subjected to her wicked sense of humor too many times over the years to be amused. Hang in there, Dad!
Hopefully you all have found ways of keeping your own creative minds busy. Mom and I will continue to hopefully give you a chuckle here and there. It's really is the least we can do. Not all heroes wear capes; some wear wigs. You can watch her first "fun with wigs" video here on Facebook.
Until next time. Namaste.
 |
| Tried as I might, she was unwilling to share an actual photo of the end result, however, this photo from my 3rd birthday party with Bozo the Clown comes close. |
Bored Barb Senior Breaks into Comedy
Many of you have now gotten to know my mom from Facebook. She has decided at the ripe age of 76 to launch her comedy career. I mean she's always been funny. She's got it in her blood. Her father, the other writer in the family, was one of the funniest people on the planet, and wrote a satirical column, "Mostly the Truth" that ran for 50+ years. She has over the years, channeled her humor into pranking and/or torturing her own family. April Fool's Day is probably one of her favorite holidays. If you have ever been in my house growing up, you probably have fallen prey to one of her infamous pranks. Putting a rubber band around the sprayer in the kitchen sink was one of her favorites. My poor father was often the unfortunate recipient of her pranks and for some reason never seemed to see them coming.
One year, he got smart. On that dreaded April Fools Day, he wrote himself a note at work that simply said "DON'T LET HER GET YOU!" He also told his secretary to not put her calls through. Unfortunately, mom was cagey and cleverly disguised her voice. My dad had scheduled his first colonoscopy the following week. Pretending to be the receptionist at the doctor's office to give him some "pre-procedure directions," she informed him that he would need to make sure he had someone to drive him home and that it "might be a good idea to bring a change of clothes." After a rather pregnant pause, he sputtered that he might not be interested in this test, after which she blew out the tissues she had wadded up her nose and howled in delight. Got 'em! Poor dad.
Over the past few weeks, she's turned to creating funny videos and sharing them on Facebook. Her latest one is below. Don't be deceived by her so-called exercise routine; that old lady can hold a plank for 2 minutes, does Pilates twice a week, has 7 holes-in-ones and can still beat me in tennis...quite badly actually.
She is definitely enjoying making them though my dad remains unimpressed. He's been subjected to her wicked sense of humor too many times over the years to be amused. Hang in there, Dad!
Hopefully you all have found ways of keeping your own creative minds busy. Mom and I will continue to hopefully give you a chuckle here and there. It's really is the least we can do. Not all heroes wear capes; some wear wigs. You can watch her first "fun with wigs" video here on Facebook.
Until next time. Namaste.
Barb
Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:
It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog
6 Tips for Working from Home
Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days
Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame
Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?
Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?
No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport
Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female
Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer
2021: A New Year, a New Outlook
Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer
The Time Machine in the Garage
The Benefits of Being a Certain Age
There's a Sandwich in Every Beer
Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party
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