Oh yes, that's right. It's that blog; the one I have been promising some of you for a very long time. The one about my rather infamous May-September relationship with...we'll call him Will. I won't use his real name, although I will say absolutely nothing but good things about him.
I met Will the summer after my divorce. Right after my marriage ended I dated a guy named Dan, who was perfect. That is perfectly ill-suited for me, which was ideal because I was not in the head space to open myself up to any level of a real relationship. He was super hot, fun and dumb as a stone. Like I said, perfect. Sex was great and as long as we steered away from discussing topics that might provoke his stupidity, we were good. Lasted about a year.
One day I was talking about my concerns around the supreme court (my bad!!) and said something like "Ginsburg can't live forever," to which he replied, "no, he can't." Oh no. Well, that pretty much killed the vibe for me and no level of hotness could repair the damage.
Six-pack Will
At the tail end of that relationship, I was invited to my next door neighbor and friend's son's birthday party. There I officially "met" Will, her nephew. In reality, I had known of Will for years, probably since he was in college. He was a neighborhood favorite, at least among the women. He would come over to mow or watch her kids, sometimes sans shirt, God bless him.
He had a full 6-pack, truly the most perfect body on a boy..I mean man I had ever seen. When he was there, I would go full Desperate Housewives and leer at him from my window. I wasn't selfish though; I would inform other neighbor girls and they would promptly throw kids in strollers and bikes to come down the cul de sac for a peek at "six-pack" Will.
Anyway, back the story. I officially meet Will at this party and we start talking about music, which we are both really into, and learned we both liked the same genre and loved the same bands. He was a guitarist and had been in a band for years, since high school. He had just moved back from L.A. and was working for an accounting firm in town.
We started to go to concerts and hanging out together with my friends, a motley crew of largely of artists and writers. One night we joined some of my friends for a midnight showing of the Big Lebowski.
During the intermission I went to the bathroom with my girlfriend Kelly. Once inside, she said to me, "Please tell me you are knocking boots with that man." Considering her side gig was erotic fiction writing, I thought it an odd phrase, but said absolutely not; he was way too young for me.
I will never forget her reply: "The gods have placed this beautiful gift in your hands and you aren't even going to open it to see what's inside? That's just not right. You are crazy. He's clearly smitten with you."
At some point during the evening, she got in his ear as well on the topic and when he drove me home that night, he did indeed kiss me so apparently I was the only one who wasn't picking up the signal. We dated for several years, and honestly it was just what the doctor ordered. He was kind, intelligent, caring, considerate, passionate, fun, and did I mention super hot?
Now dating someone nearly 20 years my junior does come with baggage, although it wasn't typically ours. My parents chose to largely ignore the relationship, while his parents were shockingly warm and welcoming to me. My parents had nothing against Will; there wasn't much to not like to be honest. However, they also didn't see how this relationship had any potential for a future. And, to be honest neither did I, but I also did not care in the least.
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| I was sitting in a lawn chair drinking Sav Blanc. |
After we had been dating a couple of years, my parents came into town for a visit and I invited Will over for dinner. I thought everything went well; he told them about the house he had just bought and his job, moving from LA, etc. That night my parents were upstairs getting ready for bed and I heard my mom howling with laughter, literally gasping for breathe.
Apparently my mom was telling my dad that Will really did seem like a nice guy; it was just a shame that he was too young. My dad gave her a confused look, stopped brushing his teeth, and said, "You mean too old for her."
Yes, apparently the entire evening he thought that Will was my 17-year old daughter Laura's boyfriend.
Later that year, Laura insisted that he come to her high school graduation. They had gotten quite close and she absolutely wanted him there. Afterwards, her dad texted her and said that he thought her boyfriend was really cute. She did not have a boyfriend at the time. Ok, I must say I did enjoy that (insert evil laugh here).
Will helped me pack and move her into her dorm her freshman year, and not once but twice, people asked which dorm room was his. Don't get me started on him attending Laura's sorority's Fathers Day Weekend.
He truly could not believe I'd never seen a single episode of Saved By the Bell. He didn't know The Cars. Yes, we had a wide gap of social references, but he was a great boyfriend. The age thing affected those around us more than it affected us. I could go on all day with hilarious stories about that. But he truly had an old soul, and was, at heart, a pretty nerdy-but-hot auditor who often was the sensible one, talking me out of various stupid things.
We traveled, saw a ton of concerts, music festivals, art shows, etc. My only complaint ever was that he ate like a 13-year old female anorexic. He was an avid runner and daily ate extremely cleanly. I'm surprised his digestive system survived years of eating out with me. He would have a green smoothie and maybe a few yams, lean protein for dinner. Not exactly how I ate, but I forgave him on account of the aforementioned 6-pack. Oh, and by the way I now have green smoothies for lunch daily and am doing yoga, two things he really tried to get me into.
We continued to date for a while after I moved, but eventually we both started dating other people. I told him from the very beginning that this would be fun but would not last. My plan was to move away once the kids graduated from high school. I knew I would eventually have to release him back into the wild where he could mate with someone his own age, which I'm happy to say he has. But the few years that we spent together were amazing and not something I will ever regret. I mean, for one, I get to write this blog.
The Rude Awakening Cometh
When I moved to Chicago and started dating men around my own age, it was a bit of struggle. My sister had warned it was going to be a rude awakening, and she was not wrong. I basically spent the next two years dating a string of attractive but douchy dudes.
I'm not saying all men over 50 with flat stomachs are dicks, but the majority I encountered were. One of them was Drew, the narcissist golfer from last summer. Remember him? Catch up on "Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer" here. Or there was crazy Dave. He had washboard abs AND narcissistic personality disorder. Bonus! Catch up on crazy Dave here. There were plenty of others, I assure you. Online dating at this age is no cake walk, as you will know from this blog, "Online Dating in Your 50s."
New beau Jon does not have a six-pack. He has what I would call an athletic dad bod, and while he is super sporty and athletic, he also loves beer and great food, and as a result has a small beer belly that he carries around like a fucking trophy. To say it doesn't affect his self confidence would be the understatement of the century. And, he can make it roll so it doubles as a party trick. Bottom line: He's adorable and he knows it, and I love him, every inch, and he knows that too.
It's been a long and winding road for my love life but I must say I'm happy to have experienced everything, the highs and lows. Each relationship, good and bad, and every bad date I suffered through, taught me something about myself. And, I'm quite happy it's all led me to where I am today.
This is getting long so I'll close here. I hope everyone is feeling good, having this damn virus almost in the rear view. Let's make this a summer to remember!
Ciao for now,
Barb
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Hilarious! I remember that Big Lebowski night very well, indeed. Do you remember that I had invited another dude to meet you that night? We both quickly realized that there was something brewing between you and Will, even if you didn't see it yet. And I concur with your sentiments about Will. There's nothing but good things to report about him; he's one of the good guys as it relates to dating and the not-so-good-guys, aka, lousies in the world. Love you, Barb!
ReplyDeleteLove you too, Kelly, and thanks for setting me straight all those years ago and being a wonderful friend to us both. Miss you, girl!
ReplyDeleteYou made my day....maybe my year! :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha, so happy to hear that! Thanks for reading!
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