A lot of people ask me how do I do it? I'm never quite sure what they mean. It's really pretty simple; you get on these dating apps, write a profile, upload some pics, and then you scroll through and swipe (left-no/yes-right). Easy stuff. Supply is never an issue. I am one of those girls that about 95% of men think they have a pretty good chance with so I've never had an issue of finding men to date.
I think what most people mean by the question is how can I put myself out there. I know this part is hard for most people and it always a gamble. But I'm absolutely socially fearless, most likely the result of years of changing schools as a kid every 3-4 years. After you have survived walking the gauntlet of a school lunch room filled with complete strangers, there is literally nothing you can't brave socially.
The upside of the experience had given me the super power of being able to strike up and carry on a conversation with a tree or other inanimate object. I have had more than a couple dates during which this skill came in handy.
Online dating certainly did not intimidate me. It was quite literally a reality for me, as my work-from-home situation made meeting men in my new city impossible. I think one of the things that took me by surprise initially was just how confident men in general were. Even the most beautiful women in the world can look into a mirror and spot a myriad of imperfections. Ones that really bother them. Not men.
A pudgy bald dude on the other hand, can look in the mirror and think, "Damn, I'm a handsome man." Men on dating sites also think they look particularly badass when they are in their car for some reason. Maybe it's a "Fast & Furious" thing? Add sunglasses and wow, now they are even hotter. Not really, but they appear to think so. Men who wear sunglasses in their main profile pic warrant an automatic left swipe. As do bathroom selfies (no clue why this is a thing), Trump supporters, and don't even start me on duck faces. Guys, just no.
I am quite sure this is why God made pattern balding a problem only men had to deal with. A bad haircut will put most women over the edge so I can only imagine that the crippling fear of impending hair loss would be more than most women could endure. Biological payback: we already do the heavy lifting in terms of making new people. Menstruation and menopause. A lifetime with a full head of hair seems the least of what we deserve for keeping the population going.
Obviously being confident is a good thing, but unfortunately it also prevents men from being able to be honest in their assessment of themselves physically. The term "fit and athletic" is apparently largely subjective. Sometimes this apparently means, "I was an athlete in high school." A tip off is when they included a picture of themselves in their football uniform from high school in their profile. Definitely a flag, but just one of many. Add pics taken from above (as if from a mysterious drone) and no full-body pictures. Tragically, or perhaps ironically, these guys are usually just as cocky as they were when they were actually fit and athletic.
Not sure what this means, but I also seem to have a real knack for picking up men post-peak. I once dated a guy for several years who had worked for a major bank for 30 years, only to be laid off a few months after I met him. Now he is a part-time painter trying to break into acting. You might have seen him on one of the TV shows filmed here: Chicago Fire, Med or PD. He's the mute red-headed bartender, prisoner picking up trash, chef, etc. Mute because if you talk, they have to pay you $1,000. He's now taking acting classes so awesome plan, right? What actors weren't discovered in their 50s?
Another was a hedge fund manager who made six figures before hitting 30 and bought a sick condo overlooking the lake. Today, he's a part-time yoga instructor with an anxiety disorder and a "weed" card. At least he still has that condo!
Online dating certainly did not intimidate me. It was quite literally a reality for me, as my work-from-home situation made meeting men in my new city impossible. I think one of the things that took me by surprise initially was just how confident men in general were. Even the most beautiful women in the world can look into a mirror and spot a myriad of imperfections. Ones that really bother them. Not men.
A pudgy bald dude on the other hand, can look in the mirror and think, "Damn, I'm a handsome man." Men on dating sites also think they look particularly badass when they are in their car for some reason. Maybe it's a "Fast & Furious" thing? Add sunglasses and wow, now they are even hotter. Not really, but they appear to think so. Men who wear sunglasses in their main profile pic warrant an automatic left swipe. As do bathroom selfies (no clue why this is a thing), Trump supporters, and don't even start me on duck faces. Guys, just no.
 |
| Double deduction: in a bathroom doing the duck face. Nope. |
I am quite sure this is why God made pattern balding a problem only men had to deal with. A bad haircut will put most women over the edge so I can only imagine that the crippling fear of impending hair loss would be more than most women could endure. Biological payback: we already do the heavy lifting in terms of making new people. Menstruation and menopause. A lifetime with a full head of hair seems the least of what we deserve for keeping the population going.
 |
| An example of some of the shenanigans I deal with. I can't share the rest. |
Obviously being confident is a good thing, but unfortunately it also prevents men from being able to be honest in their assessment of themselves physically. The term "fit and athletic" is apparently largely subjective. Sometimes this apparently means, "I was an athlete in high school." A tip off is when they included a picture of themselves in their football uniform from high school in their profile. Definitely a flag, but just one of many. Add pics taken from above (as if from a mysterious drone) and no full-body pictures. Tragically, or perhaps ironically, these guys are usually just as cocky as they were when they were actually fit and athletic.
 |
| This guy emailed me on some dating website. After reading his profile it was obvious we were meant for each other. |
Not sure what this means, but I also seem to have a real knack for picking up men post-peak. I once dated a guy for several years who had worked for a major bank for 30 years, only to be laid off a few months after I met him. Now he is a part-time painter trying to break into acting. You might have seen him on one of the TV shows filmed here: Chicago Fire, Med or PD. He's the mute red-headed bartender, prisoner picking up trash, chef, etc. Mute because if you talk, they have to pay you $1,000. He's now taking acting classes so awesome plan, right? What actors weren't discovered in their 50s?
Another was a hedge fund manager who made six figures before hitting 30 and bought a sick condo overlooking the lake. Today, he's a part-time yoga instructor with an anxiety disorder and a "weed" card. At least he still has that condo!
Yet another was a very successful contractor (this was a pandemic date) who I learned after a few dates lives in a warehouse. Yes, you heard that right. He lives in a warehouse in an industrial park. Don't get me wrong; I'm sure it's a totally pimped-out setup, but again, his address is an industrial park. Ok, next.
Many of the guys I have dated have ex wives living in McMansions in the burbs while they live in shitty studio apartments in the city. I've seen enough of these lovely bachelor cribs to declare no more away games. One date showed up on a skateboard. Another asked for train fare home. I had one actually tell me he had decided to "transition" to a woman. What can I say? I know how to pick 'em!
Many of the guys I have dated have ex wives living in McMansions in the burbs while they live in shitty studio apartments in the city. I've seen enough of these lovely bachelor cribs to declare no more away games. One date showed up on a skateboard. Another asked for train fare home. I had one actually tell me he had decided to "transition" to a woman. What can I say? I know how to pick 'em!
Much more on that topic as it is an ongoing story...
Flattening the damn curve...finally
I guess I would be remiss to not mention this whole virus quarantine thing. How is everyone doing? I continue to enjoy my daily dog walks, getting outside is essential. I'm encouraged that we seem to be flattening out the old curve. Hopefully a few more weeks of madness and we can slowly try to go back to normal life.
I think what worries me the most is how if life going to be different? No festivals? Concerts? What about hugging? Are we ever going to be able to hug again or is that going to be forever socially tainted? Lots of questions but life goes on. This all too shall pass.
I'm happy to report I have progressed from "really bad" to just "bad" in yoga so yeah! Many of the poses I can now do, just no poses the involve "folding" of any kind. My body continues to insist on remaining unfolded. Dogs are now respecting my space, probably because I'm now using my yoga blocks as weapons. I think it has slowed my mind a bit, which is a good thing right now. I send you all positive vibes.
Until next time.
Flattening the damn curve...finally
I guess I would be remiss to not mention this whole virus quarantine thing. How is everyone doing? I continue to enjoy my daily dog walks, getting outside is essential. I'm encouraged that we seem to be flattening out the old curve. Hopefully a few more weeks of madness and we can slowly try to go back to normal life.
I think what worries me the most is how if life going to be different? No festivals? Concerts? What about hugging? Are we ever going to be able to hug again or is that going to be forever socially tainted? Lots of questions but life goes on. This all too shall pass.
I'm happy to report I have progressed from "really bad" to just "bad" in yoga so yeah! Many of the poses I can now do, just no poses the involve "folding" of any kind. My body continues to insist on remaining unfolded. Dogs are now respecting my space, probably because I'm now using my yoga blocks as weapons. I think it has slowed my mind a bit, which is a good thing right now. I send you all positive vibes.
Until next time.
Barb
Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:
It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog
6 Tips for Working from Home
Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days
Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame
Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?
Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?
No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport
Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female
Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer
2021: A New Year, a New Outlook
Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer
The Time Machine in the Garage
The Benefits of Being a Certain Age
There's a Sandwich in Every Beer
Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party
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Enjoying your blog, thanks for sharing, glad I'm married :)
ReplyDeleteLove it! Keep it coming.
ReplyDeleteThis is so spot-on. I know a number of hands-down, fabulous women (you're one of them) that are in their 50's and single. They're funny, smart, gorgeous, have great jobs and are financially, emotionally and physically stable. They're what one could say, "A great catch!"
ReplyDeleteIt often feels that the world has a severe deficit of eligible men that would be paired well with any of my single friends. And the online dating pool often emphasizes that deficit.
Where are all the great guys hiding?
Great question! If you find out, let me know! Not sure who made that comment, but thanks!
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