Monday, March 21, 2022

Boys Will be Boys- Age is But a Number

Greetings and salutations, everyone. Spring is close to springing. For the time being, the damn virus seems to be waning. All good and positive signs of better things to come. Today, however, the weather here in Chicago is hella-shitty with cold temps and rain. Silver lining: another blog! 

Random name generator

That's actually the name of a cool Wilco song, but also my nickname for online dating apps. I thought I would provide an update on my dating life. Back in the saddle and sad to say that little has changed in the almost two years since I exited the dating pool. Same old shit; some good, some awful and a lot of hilarious. 

One thing that seems to have changed is that some believe there was some type of moratorium on reporting post-pandemic weight gain on dating apps. In the same week, I went out with two guys who had both gained 20+lbs since Covid but didn't bother to update the photos on their profile. 

I know you are all thinking I'm being extremely shallow.  Perhaps, but here's the thing: both of these guys admitted to gaining weight and then BOTH complained about how they hate when women don't include full-body shots in their profiles and regaled me with stories of meeting women who look very different from their pictures. And, yet neither seemed to recognize the rather obvious hypocrisy of what they were saying. Online dating, especially post-50, is always an adventure as I wrote about in this blog. 

Another hilarious change is people with mask photos and the idiots bragging about being unvaccinated or  and having "pure" blood. Ok, thanks for making this decision easier, sir. 


Age is just a number

Right now the age range of men I'm dating is a full 30 years, from a cute 38-year old fireman to a 68-year old retired widower/CFO. For the record, my setting is 45-60 years old, but what can I say; younger men often like older women (partial credit to Mrs. Stifler). 

Now I know some of you are questioning why I would date someone that young. My answer: why the hell not? My experience dating younger guys (well documented in this blog, Don't Call Me a Cougar blog) has been very positive, and I'm still in healing mode so not searching for Mr. Right...right now. Like when I dated the beautiful idiot after my divorce. He was the right one at that time.

And, honestly guys definitely mature later than women but they all cap out, emotional maturity-wise, at different ages. And based on my extensive research (not at a scientific sample size  yet, but probably sadly close), some men truly never grow up. Chronological age plays absolutely no role in whether a man is mature or not. Case in point: the older guy. 

Honestly I almost bailed on him, as he was way out of my normal age demographic and French (not a positive) but he was interesting, well read, very smart, and had obviously done well in life. First date was fun so accepted a second date. He invited me to dinner at a restaurant by his house, so he showed me his beautiful mcMansion, which was quite impressive. 

Dinner was pleasant but it became pretty apparent we didn't have a whole lot in common. I'm a music freak and he didn't know the first thing about music. The place we were at has a small music venue and I noticed Graham Nash was coming. He had never even heard of Crosby, Stills and Nash! What?? Points silently deducted.

At the end of the night, he started pawing at me like a fucking teenager. Despite attempts to thwart his advances, he persisted and it was definitely starting to make me feel uncomfortable, which is not an easy task. I don't scare easily. Bossy by nature (my future rapper name), I finally looked him square in the eye and said, "Old man, you better back the fuck off or I'm going to drop you like a bag of wet cement." 

Now whether or not I could have actually pulled that off is irrelevant. He awkwardly chuckled but got the message and did look a little afraid so mission accomplished. What in God's name was that man thinking??? Did he think because he's rich, I would jump into bed with him? Dude obviously needs to create a profile on sugardaddy.com or something. Whatever, but again, goes to prove age doesn't mean anything. 

This weekend, I went on two dates with two almost-40-year-olds. So both a full 30 years younger than the horny old French man, yet both were polite, considerate and absolute gentlemen. Go figure, but just more proof that some men never grow up. Point being, you can't assume emotional maturity is a given at any age. And yes, this applies to both men and women. 

I mean you encounter the obvious ones, the true Neanderthals; I usually refer to them as dick-forward. The ones you barely know who start talking about sex. Probably the same geniuses who send women dick pics. I've discovered the perfect way to deal with these knuckle-draggers. I simply send them a dick pic in return. Works perfectly every time. Yes, I save them, just for this reason. 



                                                          Image credit: @thefatjewish

Or the men who say they got divorced because their ex-wives didn't like sex, which is something I commonly hear. I would say it's cited in probably 80% of the time as the main issue in their marriages. I always chuckle inside at that one, though I always nod in sympathy when I hear this. There have been a few of these guys who I have dated for long enough to become intimate with and spoiler alert: their wives probably didn't dislike sex. I'll leave it there.

I went on another interesting date with a guy who somehow had found my blog and read ALL OF THEM! He started with, "I hope you are wearing your ski house goggles (a direct quote from this blog about the Drew, the narcissist golfer) because I own a place in Telluride." We sat down and he immediately told me he thought ex-boyfriend Jon has a Peter Pan complex and I'm better off without him. Ah, ok complete stranger; thanks for that insight. 

He then made me promise that I would not write about our date and then proceeded to neither do or say anything blog-worthy, well other than what I've already shared 😉. Lesson learned: don't even mention you have a blog! 

It's our little secret. 

Alright today the weather is much-improved, offering a hint of what good is to come, in both life and weather. Hope springs eternal, y'all. 




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