Saturday, March 28, 2020

6 Tips on Working From Home


I know, I know. You are all just in shock that you are being gifted once more with a blog from Barb. It's my CoronaVirus gift to you all. You missed the first one? No worries, read "It's About Damn Time" here. Knowing full well that you are all sitting around doing nothing has spurred me to action. I am like an obnoxious, attention-starved kid at a large family gathering who has finally gotten everyone's attention. I gotta strike while the attentive irons are hot.

So many of you are now being forced to work from home so I thought with my two decades of experience with this, I could pass along some true gems of knowledge as well as some best practices born from years of trial and error.

1. You're not really hungry. Just because your workspace is in close proximity to your kitchen does not mean you should be eating more. When I first starting working from home, it was like I could hear a voice summoning me to the refrigerator. Throughout the day I would find myself standing in front of the open fridge. Since I did all the grocery shopping, there were no surprises in there and yet here I stand. Am I hungry? I just ate a few hours ago. A month and five pounds later, I decided I needed a plan in place. So now I bribe myself; if I work for two hours without getting up, I reward myself with a treat.

2. You don't really have to pee again.
 I call this one POOB, or Peeing Out of Boredom. Yes, this is a real thing too. The problem with POOB is that once you have gotten up, there's a litany of other distractions—legit shiny objectsthat will prevent you from going directly back to the office or workspace (laundry, wiping off counters, picking up, unloading the dishwasher, plucking your eyebrows, etc.). I admittedly have the attention span of a young ghat (not a mature adult ghat), so anything that takes my eye off the wheel is not good. A conflicting factor is I also have what my kids call a "kitten-sized bladder" so there is always an inner struggle: am I getting up to pee because I really need to or is it simply POOB.

3. Set boundaries with your kids (and spouse, if applicable). My children knew there were only two reasons to interrupt mom while she was working or even worse, on a call: unconsciousness and dangling limbs. That's it. Anything else can and will wait. My office was in the front of my house, so in the warmer weather with windows open, I could literally hear my kids a block away as they got off the bus fighting the whole walk home. I regrettably had a glass door to my office so they would come and silently plead their case or accuse their sibling of outrageous things. They would construct signs and hold them in the window, creative little shits. I can't imagine how you are all working with small kids you can't threaten to kill if they disturb you. I'm officially starting a prayer chain for you all. Stay strong. 

4. Dress down. There is no dress code, folks. Work-from-home attire is all about comfort. My "schlubby chic" look is comprised mostly of hoodies and sweatpants. I have amassed quite the collection of leisurewear over the years working from home, but I must admit that probably 80% of the time I am likely wearing one of three pairs of sweatpants: two pairs of flannel-lined Athleta sweatpants or a pair so ugly my ex used to refer to them as my "birth control" pants.

When the weather first turns chilly in the fall, putting these treasured garments on is like feeling the welcome embrace of an old lover. So warm and familiar. No judgement for occasional weight fluctuations. And, bras are optional ladies so let them free. Now a disclaimer: once you've let the horses run wild, they are not going to be too happy when you strap those saddles back on again. Gravity is not your friend so wearing at least a sports bra is probably best. 

The same theory applies to your waistline. So I would recommend every once in a while putting on a real pair of pants just to make sure the jello is still in the mold, so to speak. It's too late for me. I put on regular pants now and my entire lower body starts experiencing some form of claustrophobia and I feel like I'm slowly being suffocated. Same with shapewear but that's a whole other blog. 



5. The mute button is your friend. If you like me spend a fair amount of time in meetings, or calls, the mute button is essential. With it you can continue to participate in work calls while also: screaming at your kids, answering the door, passing gas, eating, peeing, beating and/or petting your dogs, throwing in a load of laundry, etc. I know this because I have done ALL of these things while also on work calls. Not naming names, but I've been on calls when people forget this valuable tip and while incredibly amusing, you don't want to be this person.

6. Communicate with others. Those of you with a spouse and/or kids at home, this one will be easy lifting. For those of us who live alone, however, be sure you reach out and communicate in some form with others daily. I've spent years teaching my dogs English so I spend a lot of time talking at them. I also rely on texting, Skyping, exchanging memes on social media, and yes, even sometimes calling people to stay socially connected. My Boston-based work team has started doing weekly video meetings now that we are all WFH. My response to the initial idea was as long as it didn't impede with my religious right to observe "No Bra" Monday, I was in. 

Bottom line. While I enjoy the social aspects of being in the office, my ghat-like attention span prevents me from being really productive. I think once the adjustment period is over, you will all find that you can actually be more productive and focused working from home.  

Forge on soldiers, brighter, and warmer, days ahead. 

Yoga Update: I haven't given up! I will say that the minute I roll out my mat, my right buttock starts twitching in some type of Pavlovian response. I've enlisted Laura and we accidentally did an intermediate class this week. I was attempting this ridiculous pose where you try and balance your body with your knees on your elbows (I think they train elephants to do something similar). Anyway, I lost my balance and fell on my face. Entertaining, if nothing else. 

Bowie sitting on my head as I was attempting yoga.

I also struggle because every time I get on the floor, the dogs think I'm down there for them. So keeping them at bay while doing yoga makes any beginner class intermediate. I'm not giving up though. I'll keep you all posted on my progress. 

Hope you all trying to stay busy and active. Would love to hear what you are doing! 

Until next time. Namaste.

Barb

Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:

It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog

6 Tips for Working from Home

Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days

Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame

Pandemic Family Craziness

Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?

Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?

No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport

Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female

Online Dating in Your 50s 

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer

From Darkness Comes Light

2021: A New Year, a New Outlook

The Barbuda Triangle

Don't Call Me a Cougar 

Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer

The Time Machine in the Garage

The Benefits of Being a Certain Age

There's a Sandwich in Every Beer

Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party


Monday, March 23, 2020

It's About Damn Time: Barb's First Blog


Greetings from Quarantine. You know I've often thought about writing a book over the years. Many people have said I should. I am a writer after all. I will say I've spent a considerable amount of time pondering this. Or more specifically who should play me in the movie...which is based on the screenplay...which is based on the book obviously. Tina Fey or Julia Louise Dreyfus? All important considerations, albeit a slow and not particularly productive start.  

Then I thought, start with a blog. Brilliant! I write them daily in my work life, easy peasy. It just hasn't happened. I have lots of to-do's and last year I focused on my mom's list for me and finally got that colonoscopy, but I digress.  (A stronger core and a well-trained dog are on the 2020 list, Mom). 

The blog idea, right. Many of you over the years have asked, “What is it going to take you to start your blog, Barb?” Well, I guess we all know the answer to that question: the fucking Apocalypse!

Why Now?

Desperate times indeed. Of course, fully leveraging my Masters in Procrastination, I didn't start right away. I kicked off a few little home projects first. I washed all my winter coats, hats, and gloves. I moved on to my closet. I even contemplated clearing out my storage unit (anyone have any spare Adderall?), but that really just seemed to be overkill and possibly might result in an injury of some sort. 

So before I herniate myself doing something stupid, I thought, there's no better time to start on that damn blog I've been talking about for a decade. I can’t really go anywhere or date anyone. And, because of my slowly eroding memory many of my best stories might be forgotten forever if I don't start soon. 

I think we’re all in need of some laughter, something to provide some much-needed levity, and my life has provided many interesting twists and turns so no lack of interesting subject matter. I mean online dating post-50 deserves a blog series of its own! 

Life in Quarantine 

So what is everyone doing to remain sane? I actually did yoga today. For years, I've watched as the flood of skinny bitches pour out the yoga studio at the gym. Clearly they are onto something.  I am quite the expert at wearing yoga pants (and leisurewear, in general) so I really felt like this was going to be the perfect at-home workout. 

I downloaded a free Peleton app that runs through my TV. Actually Laura's boyfriend actually did all that - thanks Spencer. I had the mat and donned the garb. Unfortunately for someone who has never even come close to touching my own toes, this pursuit was a stretch...quite literally. I still have PTSD from the stupid Presidential Fitness Tests we were subjected to in grade school; my flexibility was notably bad. Certainly made me question whether I was built for this, but what the hell?

I'm not going to lie there was a lot more sweating and shaking than I would have thought. And, contorting my uncooperative rigid limbs  in some of those positions  while also trying to crane my neck to see how the skinny bitch instructor was doing it  was akin to a playing a demented game of Twister that no one wins. My dogs watched with what appeared concern. My left shoulder is now spasming and my right buttock  hurts, but overall it felt pretty good. 

Hopefully you are all hanging in there and have found something to keep you busy, both mentally and physically. Let’s not let this get the better of us. It’s ok to see the humorous side to this virus outbreak without taking away from its seriousness. Watching the news will provide ample of that. Share funny shit on social media! Below is a video of the future virologist, Dr. Ben Schmitz, explaining how to prevent the spread of viruses back in 2009 during the swine flu outbreak.



The ability of us all to laugh together is important. I won't bore you with the science behind that statement (mainly because I don't know it) but I'm sure it's true. You'll find I don't get bogged down in details and facts have never gotten in the way of a good story, but again, I digress.
My Mom is sharing news of her world with her friends, also known as "fellow isolationists." 


A shout out to all of you with kids at home now, working or not. I loved being a mom but only because they were gone for long chunks of the day 5 days a week. Hang in there. I'm sure that things will get tough but remember, you would definitely regret killing them one day.


Laughing right nowalong with getting outsideis absolutely vital to getting through this.  And, of course we are and we will, live through this.  The silver lining of all of this is you are  getting the first of what I hope to be many blogs. I'm hoping now that the literary floodgate has been opened, it will flow forth with little effort. Here's hoping...

If you enjoyed reading this blog, be sure to check out my second blog, "6 Tips for Working From Home" for some real advice on how to stay sane while you are working remotely from a #WFH veteran.


Until next time, be safe and healthy. Namaste.

Barb

Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:

It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog

6 Tips for Working from Home

Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days

Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame

Pandemic Family Craziness

Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?

Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?

No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport

Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female

Online Dating in Your 50s 

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer

From Darkness Comes Light

2021: A New Year, a New Outlook

The Barbuda Triangle

Don't Call Me a Cougar 

Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer

The Time Machine in the Garage

The Benefits of Being a Certain Age

There's a Sandwich in Every Beer

Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party


Making Peace With the Patriarchy

Greetings, everyone. Happy to report that we are all well on our way to Spring, and the days are getting longer. The end of the proverbial t...