Sunday, April 5, 2020

Celebrating the Beauty of Love Amid Dark Days

Hi, I'm back. Yes, I'm trying to keep this a weekly exercise both for my own mental sanity and hopefully for the amusement of a few of you. This week a lot of shit has happened, none of which was particularly good. Not to me personally, just all this stupid virus stuff. Don't worry; no dismal recap coming. I'm not even going to attempt to blow sunshine and rainbows up your ass. No one wants to hear the positive spin on it, even if I could. This shit has gotten real. Enough said.

One awesome thing that did happen this week is my parents celebrated 55 years of wedding bliss. People say that a lot, but I would doubt the word "bliss" really applies to most marriages. It certainly did not apply to mine. With my parents, however, it's true. And, I have born witness to it my entire life. My parents, who met in high school, are truly as in love now as they were five+ decades ago. Maybe more.


Now, don't get me wrong. They have had fights. The last significant one was in 1977. It started on the drive home from church over whether Missouri was considered a southern or northern state. I'm not sure exactly how it escalated, but I vividly remember them shutting their bedroom door when we got home and arguing. My sister and I both cried, questioning if we would be kept together or separated in what was obviously going to be the end of our parents' marriage and our family as we had known it. 

We had quite literally never heard them raise their voices to each other, let alone fight. Well, fortunately there was some type of resolution. I never asked what the answer was and Google was not around to end these types of ridiculous debates. Perhaps an encyclopedia was consulted to get to the bottom of it. Remember those?

I would say that my parents' marriage was very conventional. Dad was the money maker and mom was the kid raiser. Worked pretty well actually. If my parental unit was the government, my mom was the executive and legislative branches. She was largely the leader of the family and established policy and kept us following the rules. My father was the Supreme Court. Only issues of the highest order ever made it with him. And, in what was not a particularly well-balanced court at the time, there was a 99.9% certainty that the answer was going to be a solid no (no RBG to keep the parenting fair and balanced). My Mom's "Go ask your father" was the equivalent to "no way in hell you're doing that" but I'd rather not be the one to tell you.

My dad retired very early and my parents spent many years traveling around the world; golf trips, wine trips, ski trips, etc. Then 15 years ago my dad had a massive stroke, spent two months in hospitals and is pretty significantly physically impaired as a result. Really sucked. Big time. That next year was full of challenges as he had to learn how to do everything again, speak, eat, walk, dress himself, drive, everything. And the whole time, my mom was there, tirelessly cheering him on and doing the heavy lifting of taking care of him. And, never once bemoaning her situation.

Watching them as they navigated this strange, new world of theirs was like watching a damn Hallmark movie. They never complained, not to themselves and not to others. My dad never had a day he wanted to give up, not that drill sergeant Barb Jones would have let him. My dad once told me that he knows that this is "bonus time" and he was going to make the most of it. They saw every day as a blessing. A blessing that they are both still here, still in love and still feeling super blessed to have each other. (BTW, for someone who isn't particularly religious, that was a lot of blessing though it is Sunday, after all).



Every day, they could somehow see the good and how lucky they were, despite their newfound challenges. When others would throw their hands up in frustration, they persevered. When the majority of people would have found solace is just bitching about their situation, they didn't.  One story really stuck with me: they were both walking in the park, fairly soon after he could walk again. Two women were approaching them and she said she could see the look of pity on their faces. She said it was so ironic because all she could think of was how lucky they were to be outside walking in the sunshine and enjoying the beautiful day. That pretty much sums up my mom in a nutshell.

Now I'm not going to lie. There have been times her constant perkiness have been annoying. There were many years growing up when I definitely thought a "pity party" was in order; like try changing schools every 3-4 years your entire life. But she would not have it. Every move was a new adventure. "Exciting news, kids, we're going to get to explore Iowa!" Oh boy. Just being awoken by someone so cheerful and full of positive energy in high school could be viewed as cruel and unusual punishment. I'm probably still not a morning person because of her. But it's also instilled in me that life is good, sometimes despite everything.

She sent the video below to my siblings and I a few days ago to let us know they are ok. Coronavirus isn't keeping her down.


 

Don't worry, most of my blogs are not going to be sappy shit like this. But today, I felt it was good to reflect on something positive and how lucky I am to have parents who truly love each other. It shows me every single day that I can't give up on finding love, despite the pitfalls of online dating (many blogs coming on this topic).  Because it truly does exist and when you do find it, be grateful. Even when you think that listening to your spouse chew loudly or (add annoying habit here) for another month might send you over the edge, be thankful you are not alone.

It is also a great lesson to us all that while this shit really sucks, we all still have things in life to feel lucky and fortunate about. Might take a little digging and soul searching these days, but they are there. Tap into what's good, focus on your own well being and happiness and those around you. Appreciate each other, even when you also want to slap them upside the head. Good Lord, I'm starting to make myself sick with all this positivity so I better close.

Until next time, everyone. Namaste.

Barb

Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:

It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog

6 Tips for Working from Home

Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days

Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame

Pandemic Family Craziness

Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?

Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?

No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport

Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female

Online Dating in Your 50s 

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer

From Darkness Comes Light

2021: A New Year, a New Outlook

The Barbuda Triangle

Don't Call Me a Cougar 

Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer

The Time Machine in the Garage

The Benefits of Being a Certain Age

There's a Sandwich in Every Beer

Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party


3 comments:

  1. Good stuff, you might not be as scary as I thought

    ReplyDelete
  2. I totally see where you get your sense of humor. My parents were also married a long time - 65 years when my dad passed. It is a gift like no other :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right as rain, my friend. Lucky indeed.

      Delete

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