I know that many of you are reading the title, shaking your head, and thinking, "Why in the world would I go to a music festival?"
And, I get that. I am a true music fan. Always have been, and obviously at this point, safe to assume I always will be. But, I understand why people would question spending a lot of money to stand in a field somewhere amongst thousands, and in some cases over 100K, sweaty people in the dead of the hot summer, just to listen to music? It's a good question.
Yes, you will encounter an abundance of drunk, often middle-aged idiots, partially clothed teens, drug-adled losers, and an assortment of other odd eggs. The people watching alone is truly next-level. Are these people you would choose to spend time with? Certainly not, in most cases.
Another reality: It will also most likely be hot as balls...or worse, boobs! And, for sure, you'll walk a lot more than you would probably like...especially in that heat. I typically log around 20K steps per day during a typical music fest.
That said, you must be prepared, so I'm here to help. You're welcome.
Tip One: Dress appropriately
Dress accordingly. If you are anywhere in my age range, the most important thing is to wear comfortable shoes. And, not sandals unless you like picking straw, sticks, and gravel from between your toes constantly, as festivals often take place in the middle of fields of any kind.
That seems like a no-brainer, and yet you would not believe the number of people, typically women, who show up in cowboy boots. Nothing like your feet marinating in your own sweat all day, then add a few blisters. Or the high heel wearers. These idiots are easy to identify by the end of the night by their "Night of the Living Dead" zombie walk, along with the leather pants wearers.
Breathable fabrics are also a plus. Again, you will see a lot of tragic fashion choices at music festivals that will make you question whether anyone actually looks in a mirror before leaving their house. For many years, the girls were eager to show off their boobs, often bedazzled with glitter, just in case you missed them on first glance. Bras were nearly nonexistent for a while.
This year, the "fest" fashion trend was wearing shorts that show off the lower butt cheeks. I wasn't aware that was a thing, but not surprising, as I don't interact with large groups of female tweens, teens, and Z'ers. You have seen people wearing pants so low that their underwear shows? Well, this is the opposite. I guess like the "side boob," this fashion fail is a "this too shall pass" proposition. Just saying: not all asses are public-ready.
It's also important to bring the essentials in your clear backpack that measures no more than 12 inches square. What to bring? Sunscreen, an empty, clear, reusable water bottle, earplugs, a hat, sunglasses, lip balm, tissues (for when portos run out), cash/ID, and a Turkish towel that can function as a wrap, a place to sit or as rain gear (that one was a welcome surprise).
I usually also smuggle in some contraband...like granola bars, 😉 which I can do because of my advanced age. Another privledge. Food is stupid expensive and often terrible, so limiting the amount you have to buy, when possible, is best.
Tip Two: Don't drink...a lot.
I love my wine and margaritas, so this isn't a drinking-is-bad sermon. That said, for me every expensive, overpriced drink might trigger another trip to the bathroom, and bathroom trips can be tricky; not finding the bathroom but sucessfully finding your way back to your spot.
Below is an aerial drone view of Lolla. Now imagine having to pee in the middle of that set, make your way through crowd to find bathrooms and then somehow find your way back to the same spot. Or not, I have lost people. Bottom line: The less bathroom trips, the better.
If you're a drinker, you're having multiple drinks, so many bathroom trips, and repeat, triggering multiple adventures that take you away from hearing music. I usually will have one strategically timed drink.
In addition, with all the heat and walking, staying properly hydrated isn't easy, so you'll need constant and copious amounts of water just to survive. You sweat most of the water out, but drinking alcohol dehydrates you.
I love going to festivals with my best music buddy, Stephanie, who is not a drinker. I never have to leave seeing a band because she needs a refill, and she's as cheap as I am so doesn't want to spend the money or waste the time buying food or shopping. She is also there for the music.
I am aware that many people see concerts as an opportunity to party and socialize, but that often makes it less enjoyable to everyone around you.. And, while I don't want to be a bitch, I am there to listen to music, not listen to drunk people who, instead of listening to the music, are just loudly talking through it. Yes, I'm grouchy because I'm old (see title). It's another privledge.
Note: While having to pee at music festivals can be anxiety-inducing, the good news is modern porta-potties have come a long way I have a kitten-sized bladder, so this is important. This year at Lolla, there were all flushable, so no more holding my breath as long as possible. Amazing.
Tip Three: Have a good exit strategy
Yes, I know this sounds like this Progressive Insurance "Dr. Rick" commercial, but it's vital. Leaving Lolla at the end of the night, along with over 100K other people, is a thing of nightmares. Riding public transportation with a bunch of smelly, often drunk, teenagers is not pleasant, but neither is a $100+ ride share. All the options are piss-poor.
So before every concert or music fest, I carefully weigh my exit options. Anyone who has been to a concert with me knows: I always come with a pre-baked strategy of when and how I am getting home. I first do my research on setlist.fm.com to determine what the band's typical set list looks like, and most importantly, how many songs are in the encore.
My plan is typically to leave mid-encore; you can hear most of the rest as you walk out anyway. This is key, because getting that 5-minute headstart on the rest of the Tom, Dick, and Harries will get you home so much faster. At the end of any music event, spending extra time navigating through crowds or sitting in traffic is just a real bowl of bummer, so follow my lead to avoid it.
I do think that, at any age, a music festival can be a great time and a wonderful way to open your ears and minds to not just new bands but entirely new genres of music. Bluegrass? Wasn't aware I even liked it until I heard Billy Strings and Michael Cleveland, a blind bluegrass fiddler with several Grammies, at a festival in Louisville, Kentucky.
If you are a music lover, like I am, the ability to see many bands in one place in one day is very compelling. Start with smaller festivals and pick accommodations that enable you to walk to the venue, when possible. Do your homework beforehand to investigate bands you don't know who will be there. Some of my favorite bands I discovered at festivals.
I hope everyone is having a great summer.
Rock on.
Barb
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