Greetings, everyone. It's been a minute so thought I would sit down and write a blog. When the weather is nice and I can be outside, writing a blog is never a priority, however, today it is super soupy out so...
It's been a long time since I provided any type of update on my love life, although spoiler alert: not a whole lot going on, but intentionally. I'm currently matched with dozens of guys on the various apps but actually communicating with them seems bothersome and too much work. After serial dating for the past 8 years and probably 500+ dates, I can say I seem to have lost a bit of my enthusiasm for it. I typically date anywhere from 3-5 guys at a time and it's never been an issue. Fun for the most part. But lately, meh.
To be honest, as my interest in sex has waned since boarding the perimenopausal bus, so has my tolerance for the constant tomfoolery and antics of many of these men. It takes a huge amount of effort and patience to date via the various apps. Constantly weeding through the 60yo+ wannabe playboys who just want "intimacy without commitment" and list "sex positivity" as one of the attributes they would like to highlight. Thanks, bro, you and every other Tom, Dick and Harry on my dating feed. Thanks, Bumble.
I like men; I can't lie about that, but while I once looked forward to playing the whole online dating game, and the daily rituals of it, now I launch the various apps with equal doses of dread and pessimism. Anyone women around my age still dating understands what I am talking about. Wait, no. I'll go one step farther and say any woman of any age who is dating online understands this feeling; trying to balance optimism with dread.
I open my dating apps now with a partial snarl and stink eye as a peruse my sad feed of options. Chock-full of men in their 50s seeking "short-term fun" and even funnier, the ones over 50-year-olds who are "undecided" on having kids. Dude, surely that ship has sailed! I call them the "Peter Pans." Or even worse, men who are 60+ with small kids. Wow, you clearly took a wrong turn in life! Thanks, but no thanks. I'll await grandkids.
The Peter Pans and the scammers are in full force these days on the dating apps. I read somewhere that nearly 30% of dating profiles are indeed fake. I will admit, I have wanted to ensnare one of these twatwaffles, as I mentioned in this blog. However, my tolerance and patience are so low at this point, I often scare them off quickly with my toxic attitude and snarky comments.
Below is one example. Meet Theodoric. Cute, right? Sadly, that's one clue. Another clue? Well, they are always looking for real long-term relationships and describe themselves as "loyal" and "honest" when they are everything but that. And, often they list their education as "in grad school," which I loath almost as much as the "school of hard knocks." Most importantly, all their images are professionally taken and in exotic locations and never with anyone else.
Here's another one. Meet Baldwin. Always odd names. My guess is the scammers are foreign and have no idea what normal names are in the U.S. so they just pick random names.
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The girls...where the fun always is
To be honest, I am preferring the company of my female friends these days. No, I'm not changing teams despite almost a decade of living in a gayborhood. I'm afraid I'm hard-wired for men, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy spending time with my girlfriends.
It's been quite easy finding men to date here in Chicago, but finding girlfriends is much harder and something I am committed to being better at this year. Putting effort into finding new girlfriends is something worth working towards because those are the relationships that stand the test of time.
I have been blessed with a deep pool of girlfriends cultivated over decades and they live all over the U.S. These are the relationships I want to foster moving forward. Traveling with my girlfriends is what I want more of looking to the future.
Sure, I miss vacation sex, but overall traveling with my girlfriends is always a blast. Easy, fun and so many laughs. Not to mention, I don't have to tend to my "lady garden" when I embark on girl trips. You might remember this blog in which I discuss how I despise dealing with hair down there.
When I travel with my girlfriends, it's unspoken that everyone pitches in so it enables me to truly enjoy my vacation. They clean, pack lunches, cook, buy groceries, and organize - without having to even ask! After years of traveling with my family or my kids and their friends, it's so nice to not have to be the one in charge when on vacation. Girls take care of each other, without asking.
I will add that I also love traveling with my daughter as well and look forward to exploring more of the world with her. She is a great traveler, and despite inheriting my directional deficit disorder (DDD), she's a wiz at reading google maps on her phone while walking so a keeper, for sure.
Making New Friends
I've become friends with an older German man, Arthur, who lives on the street behind me. He's in his late 80s and retired from a 30+year long career as a teacher at one of the large public high schools in Chicago. He nursed his first wife through cancer, only to remarry a much younger fellow teacher who sadly is now losing her former self due to dementia.
Art loves when the dogs and I visit him and his adorable dog Bella, which we do daily. He sits outside around the time we do our daily walks and always has treats for the dogs. Bowie and Freddie are both huge fans, for obvious reasons, so they basically drag me to his house at the beginning of every walk.
I love hearing his stories as he enjoys mine. My favorite stories involve how he would handle bad kids back in the day. When boys would act out, he would simply challenge them to a fight in the school gym. While walking to the gym, he would heavily lean into his German accent while casually warning them that as a former military officer, he is trained to kill. I have to giggle at the thought of those snotty kids, fully believing this teacher was about to drop them like a bag of cement in front of their fellow students. Typically, they would change their minds by the time they made it to the gym. Probably smart.
Art tells me every day when I leave how much he appreciates our visit, and I know he means it. I enjoy them as well. It has to be quite lonely living with someone with dementia. Sometimes when I don't see him out, I worry about him. Has he died? Nope, he's fine.
When time is not on your side
I have another friend battling ALS, which is about the worst disease anyone could have the misfortune of getting. Even more tragic is she is young, not yet 40 with an absolutely adorable 4-year-old daughter, Liv.
Laura and I had the great fortune to spend a wonderful week on a cruise to Alaska with Vesna, her husband and Liv, recently. This is another relationship I want to focus on as my time with her is now limited. I love her and her family and feel grateful for whatever time I get to spend with her.
I will never use this blog to make money, despite many telling me I should. This blog is not meant to be that. It's meant to be my public diary. That said, there is a GoFund me for Vesna to help pay for all the equipment and supplies they will need moving forward.
If you can help, I assure you it is for the most worthy cause: a beautiful young family going through a nightmare so every little bit helps. Thanks in advance.
The bottom line is I am going to make an effort in all my relationships but with an eye to focus on the ones I know will better my life and I theirs. I haven't given up on finding the right guy but I have 7 years until retirement, so I got time.
And, girlfriends of mine: I have all sorts of fun girl trip ideas. I just need some travel partners in crime so let's start planning!
Well, this is getting long so I better close. I hope this finds you all well and enjoying this beautiful season.
Until next time,
Barb
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