Saturday, September 12, 2020

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer, and other Dating Antics

Well, hello again. I'm back. I took a little break from blogging to actually have some fun, played a lot of tennis, conquered my fear of city bike riding, did a little traveling, and jumped back into the dating pool with unbridled enthusiasm. 

Surely, I'm not the only person longing for a connection after a long period of quarantine and social distancing. I really thought there would be a plethora of men ready to seek a real relationship with "cuffing" season (Google it Mom, it's not about S&M) right around corner and all. I live in a huge city with millions of men, so easy pickings, right? 

As a fan of analogies, I'll offer this one. Remember shopping at malls (hardly, right?).  You would see stores, like the Limited, with end-of-season sales with huge bins filled with giant mounds of clothes, all of which were $5? 

I approach the dating pool with the same mixture of child-like enthusiasm and skepticism as I approach those bins: excited about possibly scoring a treasure and ready to dig in.  While there is a seemingly never-ending supply, you really have to dig, toss aside the ones that have been damaged by excessive try-ons and the ones that are just awful and in their rightful place. 

Sure you're excited at the prospect, but then as you pilfer through the possibilities, often the reward often isn't worth the search. Sadly there's often a reason these itemsor in this case menhave found their way into the clearance  bin.

Take a look at some of the $5 sale items that have popped up in my dating bin. I know, lucky me. Not sure what message either Rob is sending, and Sam! I mean if it weren't for the toilet seat being up...and the fact that he appears to be wearing an adult diaper...or that he's obviously at the Airport Marriott...start that fire! Such a shame.




Ok, but back to my unbridled enthusiasm. Early in the summer, I met a guy, Drew, who seemed to have real potential. Checked all the boxes (my age, successful, older kids, active, smart, etc.) and owns a ski-in/out house in Mammoth Mountain, CA. Hard stop. Ok, so you have all heard of beer goggles, right? Well, the ski house has the exact same effect. I am now incapable of seeing this man's flaws. Even my normally optimistic mom said he sounded too good to be true. 


Sure there were red flags. He asked twice if I would pick him up at the airport. I assumed he was joking. When he finally asked me on a date, it was from the 7th hole and it was for dinner and drinks at the club that night with two other couples. Huh?

I politely declined that invite, but was still hopeful, even though I was now nearly blinded by my sunny, damned optimism and those stupid "ski house" goggles. Fortunately that all ended—and my full eyesight and reason magically restoredwhen his true personality was finally revealed. Please take a moment to read his text to me the day we were finally going to meet.


First of all, can we all just feign shock that Drew hasn't dated much since 2012? Drew doesn't do reservations (because I imagine he refers to himself in 3rd person). Or dates on the weekend, unless you're willing to haul your ass 40 miles out to the burbs and be his golf widow. WTF?? Wow. 

It took me a few hours to even generate some type of response; I was quite literally stunned. Ultimately I was way too nice. Probably should have fired off my initial response, which was....let's just say more colorful. I told him first off, it might have been a good idea to attempt to woe me a bit more before dropping that honesty bomb on me. And, that I had spent the last 20 years living in a golf course community and while I'm not opposed to hanging out at a country club, I moved to the city to enjoy all it has to offer and wished him luck in his search for the perfect golf widow. No response, but he did immediately "unmatch" with me on the dating app so Drew does at least keep it classy. 

You would have thought I had learned my lesson with Drew, the narcissistic golfer, but no. Started dating another golfer, the Jeff Bridges look-alike, but much the same pattern emerged. Don't want to go out on Friday night because early tee time Saturday and then golfs Saturday and Sunday all day.  I don't want to spend a Thursday drinking wine at the driving range. Sorry, guys. Sadly, golfing days are about to become few and far between so hopefully these boys enjoy cuddling up with their drivers. I'm out!

Fortunately I've managed to wrangle a few items out of that giant bin, some worth wearing for a bit. We'll see. I'll certainly keep you all posted as my love life is a constantly evolving subject. 

Today the sun has reemerged and the courts are calling but need to walk the boys first. I'll keep this blog short but will try and keep a more regular cadence with my blogging now that colder weather heads our way and this stupid virus seems to be along for the ride.

Hang in there everyone. I'll try and provide a few chuckles from time to time, even if it's at the expense of my rather humorous love life.

Namaste,

Barb

Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:

It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog

6 Tips for Working from Home

Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days

Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame

Pandemic Family Craziness

Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?

Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?

No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport

Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female

Online Dating in Your 50s 

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer

From Darkness Comes Light

2021: A New Year, a New Outlook

The Barbuda Triangle

Don't Call Me a Cougar 

Bidding Adieu to a Wonderful Summer

The Time Machine in the Garage

The Benefits of Being a Certain Age

There's a Sandwich in Every Beer

Remembering the Big Ass Christmas Party


8 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing the laughs, Barb! You definitely deserve a full-price rack guy!

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  2. So glad you are back!! I missed your blog!

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  3. The words "spontaneous and play-it-by-ear" sounds a lot like, "I don't want to be in a relationship" to me. Dumb+Ass. If I lived closer, I'd probably go hit him over the head with his nine iron.

    Anyway, nicely written, as always. And for what's its worth, I think you're an amazing catch!

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  4. Your sweet girl. Love you and thank you! I’ll keep at it.

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  5. Drew is a lazy dater...and all about Drew. You dodged a bullet! Just imagine the type of woman he is going to end up with (probably his best friend's wife...who is also a golfer btw).

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    1. Well thank you for providing the real-time assessment of good old Drew. Always good to get a girlfriend reality check. You set me straight!

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