The World According to Barb: It's About Damn Time: Barb's First Blog

Greetings from Quarantine. You know I've often thought about writing a book over the years. Many people have said I should. I am a writer after all. I will say I've spent a considerable amount of time pondering this. Or more specifically who should play me in the movie...which is based on the screenplay...which is based on the book obviously. Tina Fey or Julia Louise Dreyfus? All important considerations, albeit a slow and not particularly productive start.

Then I thought, start with a blog. Brilliant! I write them daily in my work life, easy peasy. It just hasn't happened. I have lots of to-do's and last year I focused on my mom's list for me and finally got that colonoscopy, but I digress. (A stronger core and a well-trained dog are on the 2020 list, Mom).

The blog idea, right. Many of you over the years have asked, “What is it going to take you to start your blog, Barb?” Well, I guess we all know the answer to that question: the fucking Apocalypse!

Why Now?

Desperate times indeed. Of course, fully leveraging my Masters in Procrastination, I didn't start right away. I kicked off a few little home projects first. I washed all my winter coats, hats, and gloves. I moved on to my closet. I even contemplated clearing out my storage unit (anyone have any spare Adderall?), but that really just seemed to be overkill and possibly might result in an injury of some sort.

So before I herniate myself doing something stupid, I thought, there's no better time to start on that damn blog I've been talking about for a decade. I can’t really go anywhere or date anyone. And, because of my slowly eroding memory many of my best stories might be forgotten forever if I don't start soon.

I think we’re all in need of some laughter, something to provide some much-needed levity, and my life has provided many interesting twists and turns so no lack of interesting subject matter. I mean online dating post-50 deserves a blog series of its own!

Life in Quarantine

So what is everyone doing to remain sane? I actually did yoga today. For years, I've watched as the flood of skinny bitches pour out the yoga studio at the gym. Clearly they are onto something. I am quite the expert at wearing yoga pants (and leisurewear, in general) so I really felt like this was going to be the perfect at-home workout.

I downloaded a free Peleton app that runs through my TV. Actually Laura's boyfriend actually did all that - thanks Spencer. I had the mat and donned the garb. Unfortunately for someone who has never even come close to touching my own toes, this pursuit was a stretch...quite literally. I still have PTSD from the stupid Presidential Fitness Tests we were subjected to in grade school; my flexibility was notably bad. Certainly made me question whether I was built for this, but what the hell?

I'm not going to lie there was a lot more sweating and shaking than I would have thought. And, contorting my uncooperative rigid limbs in some of those positions — while also trying to crane my neck to see how the skinny bitch instructor was doing it — was akin to a playing a demented game of Twister that no one wins. My dogs watched with what appeared concern. My left shoulder is now spasming and my right buttock hurts, but overall it felt pretty good.

Hopefully you are all hanging in there and have found something to keep you busy, both mentally and physically. Let’s not let this get the better of us. It’s ok to see the humorous side to this virus outbreak without taking away from its seriousness. Watching the news will provide ample of that. Share funny shit on social media! Below is a video of the future virologist, Dr. Ben Schmitz, explaining how to prevent the spread of viruses back in 2009 during the swine flu outbreak.

The ability of us all to laugh together is important. I won't bore you with the science behind that statement (mainly because I don't know it) but I'm sure it's true. You'll find I don't get bogged down in details and facts have never gotten in the way of a good story, but again, I digress.

My Mom is sharing news of her world with her friends, also known as "fellow isolationists."

A shout out to all of you with kids at home now, working or not. I loved being a mom but only because they were gone for long chunks of the day 5 days a week. Hang in there. I'm sure that things will get tough but remember, you would definitely regret killing them one day.

Laughing right now—along with getting outside—is absolutely vital to getting through this. And, of course we are and we will, live through this. The silver lining of all of this is you are getting the first of what I hope to be many blogs. I'm hoping now that the literary floodgate has been opened, it will flow forth with little effort. Here's hoping...

If you enjoyed reading this blog, be sure to check out my second blog, "6 Tips for Working From Home" for some real advice on how to stay sane while you are working remotely from a #WFH veteran.

Until next time, be safe and healthy. Namaste.

Barb

Missed any blogs? You can catch up with the past blogs with links below:

It's About DamnTime: Barb's First Blog

6 Tips for Working from Home

Celebrating Love Amid Dark Days

Derelict Driving and My 15 Minutes of Fame

Pandemic Family Craziness

Are We Living Through the Greatest Depression?

Why is Mother's Day a Day and Not a Week?

No-Speed Naveed and the Joys of Urban Transport

Shapewear and The Costs of Being Female

Online Dating in Your 50s

Golf, the Cruel Mistress of Summer

From Darkness Comes Light